The InsufferaBowl is almost upon us, which means we better get our butts into gear and break down the props pertaining to the Harbaugh family before Jim, John and Jack come screaming and doing Harbaugh things in our general direction.
Like the storyline throughout the last two weeks, the bookmakers really beat this HarBowl thing to death, with more props than you could ever hope for on the subject. With good reason, too, because people keep hearing about it, and people keep betting on it.
Let's make this as painless as possible with a run through of the HarBets. God Dammit now we're doing it.
How many times will Jack Harbaugh be shown on TV during the game?
From kick off until final whistle. Live pictures only, any taped pictures or past video does not count towards wager. Half time does not count towards wager.
Over 2½ (-140)
Under 2½ (EVEN)
This is a tough one for us to figure. We usually err on the side of "screw you idiots who think they'll continue to beat this story to death during the actual game," but we can certainly see a shot of Jack at the beginning of the game (when they first show the coaches) and toward the end (when one is clearly winning). Not too hard to figure he'll be shown at least once more, particularly in the waning moments of the fourth quarter.
Usually it's the respective owners (Bob Kraft last year) who get a lot of airtime, but while announcers tend to stray from the overdone stories, the producer of the broadcast might still order for that wideshot of the family suite more often than he should. We're going over here despite every fiber of our being telling us not to.
Who will be mentioned more by full name during the game?
From kick off until final whistle. Live pictures only, any taped pictures or past video does not count towards wager. Half time does not count towards wager. Must clearly say full name.
Jim Harbaugh -120
John Harbaugh -120
Interesting one here. It's likely that it'd be the winning coach, which we think will be Jim. Add to that the fact that he's an eccentric douchebag and will call plenty of attention to himself, and you've got yourself a winner. We'll choose Jim Harbaugh, in this context only.
How many times will Harbaugh be said during the game?
From kick off until final whistle. Live pictures only, any taped pictures or past video does not count towards wager. Half time does not count towards wager. Must clearly say name.
Over 21½ (-140)
Under 21½ (EVEN)
Jesus that's a lot of times to say Harbaugh. Under on principle.
How many times will the game be referred to as the Harbaugh Bowl or Har Bowl or Super Baugh during the game?
From kick off until final whistle. Live pictures only, any taped pictures or past video does not count towards wager. Half time does not count towards wager. Must say full name.
Over 2½ (EVEN)
Under 2½ (-140)
Enough with this Super Baugh crap. It's time to conform. Nobody is calling it the Super Baugh. That's retarded... er, gay... er... whatever other choice words have been uttered by the Super Bowl players this week. If we have to name this stupid thing, which clearly we must, it's the HarBowl, just as it was last year when these two annoying coaches met. Say Super Baugh out loud to yourself a couple of times before you go and include it in a prop bet. That's right, you sound like an asshole.
And we're willing to bet that the CBS announcers will feel the same way. In fact, we don't think they'll say HarBowl or Harbaugh Bowl either (Jesus, really covering your bases, huh Bovada?). When the game's on, the game's on. And it really doesn't last all that long. Unlike the two weeks leading up to the game, when everybody's spewing shit and trying to fill endless hours of coverage by beating the same stories to death all week, when football is on, that's what the announcers tend to talk about.
People don't realize that this has nothing to do with the pregame coverage, the halftime coverage, the postgame coverage, or how many times the fake word is uttered at your lame party. Vegas Watch beat us to ripping Grantland's Bill Barnwell a new one with this:
How many times will the game be referred to as Harbaugh Bowl, Har Bowl, or Super Baugh during the game?Rules? What rules?
Over 2.5: -110
Under 2.5 -110
Someone is going to get paid by an online sportsbook during the game to watch the contest and just listen for whether the announcers refer to it by any of the above names. What a wonderful, dumb world we live in. This seems low to me, even if the Harbaugh family isn't in attendance; one video package might be enough to knock this one out.
From kick off until final whistle. Live pictures only, any taped pictures or past video does not count towards wager. Half time does not count towards wager. Must say full name. Book manager's decision is final.Good work, Bill.
But that's how people think. One video package and we win! Ten minutes of the pregame show and we win! Prop bets are meant to be fun, but if you don't know the rules of the prop bet you are betting, you're not going to have much fun. And those stupid little rules in prop bets mean everything.
How long will the post game handshake/hug last between Jim and John Harbaugh?
Must be clearly shown on TV. Will be from moment they touch to moment they release.
Over 6 seconds -105
Under 6 seconds -135
This one opened at a ridiculous 7.5 seconds and has since dropped to six. We still like the under. You think these uber competitive knuckleheads are going to want to embrace for long immediately after they simultaneously experience the greatest joy and greatest disappointment of their respective careers? They'll still be brothers in the morning. We think this is a quick brush by handshake, and then off to celebrate with your team/contemplate suicide.
Who will be shown first during the game?
From kick off until final whistle. Live pictures only, any taped pictures or past video does not count towards wager. Half time does not count towards wager.
Jim Harbaugh +110
John Harbaugh +110
Split screen shot of both +300
Another coin flip (hey you can bet that too!), and our reasoning isn't exactly foolproof here, but we're taking Jim Harbaugh. The 49ers are the home team, so for some reason we have it in our heads that they'll show the home coach first. Good enough for us!
The two weeks before the game, that's the time for the HarBowl storyline. On Sunday, starting at 6:30-whatever random time p.m. Eastern, it's the San Francisco 49ers vs. the Baltimore Ravens. Unless the game is an absolute blowout, new storylines within the game will occur--key injuries, plays, schemes, etc. We won't be talking about the things Sunday that we're talking about Thursday.
Every year, so many first-time betters fall into the same trap. You hear about something all week, why wouldn't you continue to hear about it? The answer is simple: For two weeks there wasn't football, and now there is. Don't mess this up.
